I'm having a very frustrating and irritating time realizing certain things in my life. I have been very manic for the last few weeks. I even called to make an appointment with my Psych, but I didn't bother answering when they called me back. I love having energy and motivation, but I get so damn irritated if things aren't going my way. Work has been much busier than it has in the last 2 years and it's reminding me why I love emergency so much. The problem is that I get really overwhelmed when people are in my face and asking me about more than one patient at a time. I can't seem to keep the same focus that I used to . I also have a ton of things that are on my "to do list" and I keep feeling someone breathing down my neck about it. That someone is surely me. I know that I'm hard on myself. I need to be able to get everything done that I want to get done. If you happen to be in my way to finishing things I might run you over with an aptly placed "FUCK YOU!". I don't actually have explosions at work. There was a point in time that I would have. I'm happy to say that I've gained a little bit more balance in the emotional control department. While other people can have anger management issues, I feel that I just have emotion management issues. I just really need to take some time to breath. Yoga needs to be put back into my life. I've really slacked on that since going to Brazil this summer. I've been trying to find some peace with my pottery. It's not really working out the way I wanted it to. I had this plan to make a lot of little bud vases and see if I could sell them as holiday presents. I started out making an urn for a friend who lost one of her cats. That actually came out very well. I then lost my sweet little "Hoots". I've tried to make an urn for her 2 times now, and it's just now working out. I've also been working on a thank you present for head of the volleyball club that took me and Andrew along with them to Brazil. I think that it will be done next week. Any thing else that I've tried has seemed like a huge struggle. The only time I have to work at the pottery studio is on class day. If I could actually find time to go on the weekend it would be so much more rewarding. I'm not sure how to make it happen, but I really feel that pottery has become an outlet to help me focus and find more joy in life. Maybe I'll be able to get a wheel of my own sometime in the future. I would love to be able to go to an art based college and give myself a second career. I guess is would really be a third career since I've already done the whole massage thing. Maybe I'll fit some yoga into my schedule today. I don't really want to have my medications increased just because I'm irritated at the world. I already feel like my meds make it hard for me to focus. Eh.. It is what it is... until I have a hissy fit and shred it to pieces.