Self Conscious Fun

I keep having thoughts through out the day that I think would be great for me to put down in my blog. By the time I get to my computer the thoughts have been stored in some part of my brain that doesn't want to accessed at the moment. Since I've been doing so well on my meds, I keep having the doubting questions of "am I really bipolar, or am I just a loser who can't control her emotions". I of course then realize that people who are bipolar generally can't control their emotions. I do the same thing with my fibromyalgia too. I'll be feeling great and thinking that I just need to buck up on days when I'm painful. It's very easy for me to question if I really have these issues or is it all in my head. The obvious answer is that both issues do indeed come from my head. Emotional center is all messed up. Pain center is all messed up. It's kinda easy to see that my social anxiety comes from my self doubt.
I find it odd that I have so much social anxiety and self consciousness, yet I'm very open about who I am. I'm terrible at lying, but I seem to lie to myself all the time. I'm a bit confused right now about what I want out of life. I have been focusing on enjoying life as much as I can. I think that part of this is because I have no idea how long my meds are going to keep working. I also just think that life really shouldn't be taken too seriously. I really hope that I can learn to apply my new found wisdom. Maybe I'll have fun in the attempt.