So I had a stupid amount of anxiety today. It's interesting how one can have anxiety about having anxiety. I really wanted to just stay home and sleep. I'm glad I didn't. Instead I headed north to give a friend a massage. It always feels odd to go back to that time when giving massages was a weekly if not daily activity. I really don't miss the paper work or insurance crap. I definitely enjoy helping to get rid of some annoying achy pain. I tend to do deep tissue treatment work more than the full body relaxation thing. I wonder if that has anything to do with my need to compartmentalize. Work on one thing at a time and eventually it all falls into place. Right? The whole damn picture is just too much to take in.
I also made an observation that I have often had in the past. I have recently been trying to work on eating healthy, but I find that after 3 to 4 days I am really craving some comfort food. I am fine as long as the bad stuff isn't around, but if it is around I have no self control. When I was growing up my Dad would get mad at my Mom if she bought fatty or sugary stuff because he would eat it. So, whenever I wanted something that my Dad would get mad about my Mom would just have me keep it in my room. I find that I now have my Dad issue of eating things in excess if it is at all an available option. I also find it hard to share my food because I'm afraid I'll have it taken away. I've been trying to turn off this strange reflex when it comes to food, but it is still a work in progress. I'm trying to use my August trip to Brazil as motivation to eat healthy and work out more. Hopefully this can be a jumping point for me.