I hate hunger.

Warning to those who might have an eating disorder : I'm about to bitch about my hatred with hunger.
I am getting really frustrated with myself and my attempts at being healthy, active, and to lose some pounds. I am the fastest I've ever been. I know that a large part of it is due to my medications, but I also know that I have a lot of bad habits that I need to change. Lately I've been trying to stay around a certain calorie count, but at the end of the day I am still hungry and can't seem to keep myself from eating a bit too much. I've had this weight goal in mind so that I look a little better in a swim suit for my trip to Brazil. I'm also wanting to lose weight before I see my parents in September. Both my parents are super healthy and trim and I feel embarrassed to have them see me at this weight. I'm also having a hard time motivating to do exercises that I know will help with the weight loss, but will definitely not help my fibromyalgia. I also just want to get healthy, and if it weren't for the trip to see my parents, I don't think that I would be this stressed out about it. I've been doing healthier things and doing yoga a couple times a week, but I know that I need to really go at it if I really want to reach my goal. I feel like if I can stick with a certain amount of calories for at least 5 days, my stomach should shrink down enough that I wont always be hungry. I am much better about sticking to my daily goal on the days that I work, but days off at home are just hard. It would really be nice if Andrew didn't make such calorie dense food for dinner. I keep telling myself that I need to come up with a weekly menu plan. I just have so many other things that I'm doing it is hard to find time to sit down and go through menu books and figure the calories and then figure out what constitutes a serving. I also keep self sabotaging myself because I'll tell myself that I should have something but then I focus on it so much that I end up eating it because I might not get any if I actually stick to my plan. I know that there are diet groups (weight watchers, jenny craig, nutrisystem), and there are books with diet plans, but I"m allergic to so many foods it is hard to go that route.

I also want to address the fact that I am going to have to make some serious decisions when it comes to the prospect of getting pregnant. My medications are doing so well and I will have to go off of most of them if I want to help avoid any neurologic or autoimmune issues. My OBGYN apt got bumped back to 6/8. I'm just a big cranky whiny stress ball right now. It doesn't help that this day is just making me more and more irritable.