Hoots

I found my sweet little Hooter girl dead underneath the papasan tonight. The last time I remember seeing her was Wed. evening. She was always hiding and being generally skittish so I wasn't really that worried about her. I decided to do a hunt today because I hadn't seen her in a few days. My first thought was that she might of gotten out the back door while I wasn't looking. I tend to leave the back door open when I let Nutmeg out in the morning, so maybe she decided to be sneaky. I was worried about her being outside, not worried that she was sick somewhere. I found her with a very small amount of blood clogging her nose, but not much around her. My best guesses are that she aspirated on something, had heart stuff that I just didn't know about, or she a spider that she then just went into anaphylaxis. I didn't want a post done because I don't really think that it would help me to feel better about the whole thing. I just can't believe that she's gone. She was just supposed to be hiding somewhere like she usually does. I don't know how long she was under the papasan, or if she suffered. Was there anything I could have done if I'd been there. I'm really not sure how to deal with this. I've become so used to the sadness and reality of animals and thier many illnesses. I'm numb and shock and feel completely detached at the same time. It's like I know that she was going to die at some point, so what's the big deal? Stupid compassion fatigue that's spilling over into my house. Maybe I'm just numb right now because I took a xanax. I was definitely crying and sobbing earlier.
Hoots was such a sweet but skittish little girl. I got her at AERC when I first started doing the vet tech thing. She had been hit by a car and hung out in the stray room for a couple of weeks. She always had this cute little tail twitch that she did. She would head butt the carpet and wall, but would only really cuddle if you were in the bed. She loved to sleep around my head. I'm really going to miss that. I just really going to miss my goofy little Hoots.